Well, I did it! I finally made it through my junior year of college at Middle Tennessee State University. Not only did I finish out the year strong, I finish my year by making Dean’s List for the Spring semester! To make Dean’s List, “a student must maintain a current semester grade-point average of 3.5 or above and earn at least 12 semester hours.” I am so proud of myself for making all A’s this semester as well. I knew that my junior year would be challenging, but I am so happy to have pulled through it alright and maintaining my GPA overall.
However, this year was not all smiles and rainbows for me if you know me personally. Several things occurred during the year to knock me off my balance such as starting a new relationship hopeful, but ending up heartbroken because the person didn’t feel the same way about me anymore. Relationships can be complicated and troublesome, and it happens that we just weren’t compatible anymore. I have since moved on and removed this person from my life due to other contributing factors during the course of our relationship. Other issues also occurred this year, but like I’ve said before, some issues are too personal to post on the web so I’ll just leave it at that.
This school year overall started off alright, I felt confident and ready to keep up with my studies, maintain control of the club I’m VP for, and still maintain a healthy social life with my friends. However, once the school year started, keeping up all of my activities while also making sure to take care of myself became increasingly more difficult. I worry about my schooling because I want to do my best, learn as much as I can, and still maintain the grades that I have, but when you’re not doing well in terms of mental health, everything seems a little bit harder to do. Cleaning the dishes? Too much effort. Seeing friends? I’m too tired, and so on. As I’ve expressed on here before, I have M.D.D. or major depressive disorder. Like I expressed before, the beginning of the year was really hard for me emotionally, mentally, and physically. I apologize to anyone who I may have isolated or distanced from me. Sometimes the only way I know to cope with how I’m feeling is to retreat into myself as to not affect anyone else’s life with my problems.
What I’m trying to say is that if you have a tendency like me to push others away in times of hurting, try to actively talk to someone about your problems. If you still feel like you can’t talk to someone, write down your thoughts, keep a journal, or maybe try writing poems to express your feelings. (These are my personal suggestions. Everyone deals with their issues differently. Do what is best for you, and you alone.)
Finishing up this semester was difficult. I had to worry about getting my internship this summer, getting a job to keep throughout my senior year, and having to deal with not seeing some of my friends for the majority of the summer.
I may not be living my “best life”, per say, but I am trying to feel better this summer by working, doing my internship, and trying to be better at practicing self-care. Taking naps, talking to friends when I feel down, and trying to be more in-tune with my body.
– I hope to post more on the blog as time goes on. I apologize for not having updated anyone on what’s been going on, and I apologize. I am getting better, but still be patient with me 🙂